Falling

Sleep eludes me, and my mind is riveted. I am tired, yet awake, an in between swaying between both worlds, wanting to fall into one then longing for the other. You are gone. A wretched absence from my side, I am haunted in this state, I will succumb. Wanting to know, still begging for ignorance, for what if what is not known is my demise? I believe it is. Broken, that was the promise made, yet made to be broken, isnt that always the case? Flawed words, good intentions, all fail. Weakened am I, fragile my breath be still and no more. I push against the surmounting edge clinging to nothing, and I fall into darkness once more. For there at least I am safe, for it does not betray me nor my love, but beckons to me from the ashes that becomst me. Bury me quickly, that I might be swallowed up in beauty, blending into black that is my soul, joining with earth so that I might be renewed from the core. Can this not be my reality that it may pass me by, no for it is mine to taste and savor, bitter end yet sweet as honey in my mouth this is. Yet bitter remains, it always does, doesn't it. Overpowers the sweet, drowning out any joy still residing in me, lonely and cold. This will never be, will it? May you reject me, may you share what I taste, I think not anymore. For I am not to be played a fool, one to be tried and tested, to be used as a toy, an addition to your mistakes, chalked up to a simple statistic in your burnt pages of your past. To be forgotten as the others, and many others to come still, no this shall not be me. How is it I sway so easily to your voice, what have you done to me to cause such brokenness and vulnerability? I search for the key but you have hidden it away in my own heart no matter, in these waves of emotion for you beneath I seek to expire. But I am flooded, it runs in me and through me, returning to and from you, is there no end? My words pour as rain, my heart turns to dust, and I am left in solitude to piece together this shattered wind cast on me, it overtakes me. And I fall again, over and over, through the air and back up again, to plummet down through the night, vicious cycle why must you torment me? Is it I am too strong you wish to destroy, or too weak you want to be above me. perhaps both. Perhaps I am a fool. Perhaps the sun was never meant to rise for me, perhaps set in stone on my head I there lie, in the earth, to join its multitudes, and become one, if only to never fall once more. But then life would be too kind to me, even death too kind yes, so I am inbetween, betweenst your world and mine, invisible yet ever present with you, absent moreover, simultaneously. So I let go of the cliff, only this time of my own wish, I give in, and lay it all down, for the end, falling.

Copyright: poeticone2812009